"Annabelle, come back to earth," I said out loud. I managed to pray for about 30 minutes before climbing the bed. I picked my phone to check the time and that was when I saw Papa's missed call. I hurriedly dialed his number and once he picked, he shouted. "There is a reason why it is a telephone and not a landline."
"I'm sorry Papa, I was just getting back inside when you called" I said laughing.
"And where were you coming back from at that time Madam?" He asked although he knew what my answer would be.
"My usual walk. It took longer than usual." I replied.
"Hmmmm, well I just wanted to check you." He said and immediately added "I see you and Justin kicked it off immediately I left."
"Yes Papa, we talked for a bit, and he walked me back" I said and quickly added" I even ran into him during my walk"!
"Hmmm, that's okay. I'm just glad you are finally making friends. I can't be the only person you talk to on this campus you know" Papa said and I remained quiet. "I just want you to be fine, Annabelle. Don't be a sadist and start talking to people," Papa added and I sighed deeply before replying.
"I will call you tomorrow. I sort of have a lot on my mind right now."
"Alright bye. Take care of yourself" Papa said and hung up.
I dropped the phone and was about to switch it off when Justin's call came in. I picked up immediately and we talked for hours into the night.
Justin and I met again the following day on campus and later at night for the walk. We talked for a long time and my walk was already taking longer than usual. After every walk, I would come back and imagine Justin and I together, watching a movie and doing all sorts of things.
There was no doubt that I liked him, and he liked me too.
Days grew into weeks and weeks into months and the routine continued. My heart imagined
Justin and I together in more ways than I can describe. There was a nudge in me that I shouldn't be thinking about him that way but I was enjoying myself, so I couldn't stop.
Papa had been noticing this during our joint prayer meetings and he took out time to talk to me to stop letting my heart go after him. He told me to filter my thoughts at all times because out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks, and a man is what he thinks. I told him I would work on it, but I didn't. I kept allowing thoughts of Justin and I together until the unfortunate event happened.
One of the nights for our walk, I wasn't feeling too well so I was planning not to go for the walk, but the thought of not being with Justin that night was devastating. I decided not to inform him of my health status and wait for him to come around.
At a few minutes to ten, he came around and knocked at my door. I pretended I didn't know it was him and asked him to come in. He came in and seeing me under the sheets, he rushed to my bedside asking what was wrong.
"I don't feel too well," I said with a shaky voice.
"Have you used anything? Do you want me to take you to the hospital?" He asked with worry written all over his face.
"No, I'll be fine. I just need to rest. I've not been sleeping well, that's all." I said and asked him to sit. He sat on the chair opposite my bed while I sat up on the bed.
"Would you stay with me for a while?" I asked.
"Sure, why not?" He replied.
We started to discuss as usual, and I was feeling a bit better a few minutes into the
conversation. All of a sudden, Justin's countenance changed to one laced with seriousness.
"Are you fine?" I asked.
"Yeah, I am. It's just that there's something I have to say to you."
"Go on" I said with my heart beating fast at the moment.
He drew the chair close to me, leaving a few inches between us. He leaned forward and held my hand before finally saying, "Annabelle, I like you. I really like you. I have liked you from the first day we met, and now, I can't stop thinking about you day in and day out. You're just everything I want in a lady." He said.
I opened my mouth to speak but he interrupted." I love you Annabelle and I want you."
"Justin, I like you too" I said and kept quiet.
Justin leaned towards me such that our faces were a few inches away. He kissed me on the lips and before I could say JACK, we were both lost in our own world of passion.
After the event that took place in my room, Justin and I realized what we've done, and guilt was eating us up. We could not talk to anyone about it until Papa called for me to see him a week later.
Papa had called an urgent meeting with me, and I was not sure why. On the day of the meeting, Papa asked me. "How is your spiritual growth?"
"Fine" I replied.
"Don't deceive me. I know what I am asking" Papa said in a strict tone.
"It has not been going fine" I confessed. "Praying and studying the scripture has become a very hard thing for me" I said, almost crying.
"Why is that?" He asked.
"I don't know." I said amidst tears.
"Is there anything you did recently that has filled your heart with so much guilt that you can't bear to go to God and converse with Him?"
At that point, I broke down in tears and explained everything to him, from the fantasies to the illicit affair. He looked at me and said, "Annabelle, I told you. You gave your heart out to him. Your heart was not guarded at all when it came to matters concerning him. Your heart was too free to think and fantasize about him. Out of the abundance of your heart, you have done something very bad. The bible said in proverbs 4:23, "Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life."
" If you had filtered your thoughts and put a guard on your heart, you could have avoided all this. Your heart is the start point of anything you do or say that is why you should guard your heart at all times. Do not allow every thought or every emotion."
Papa spoke at length about guarding my heart and then I realized that my fantasies of Justin played a major role in my actions towards him. A heart without guard is free and a free heart is liable to sin.
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